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by Aušra Augustinavičiūtė | Source (Mirror) | Symbols for IMEs
Machine Translation Revised by Augusta Project with fully translated segments by Sophia from Classic Socionics
Part 1 – Part 2 – Part 3 – Addendum
9. Expression of Feelings in Premarital Relationships
After everything previously mentioned, we can proceed to the main objective of this writing: to examine the specific behaviors of the different types of IM as they search for a marriage partner. For this purpose, we will divide the sixteen types of IM into 4 groups with 4 types each. These groups consist of two related dyads, i.e. dyads that to an extent, are similar in their behavior.
a) Logical Extraverts and Ethical Introverts
- 1st Dyad: Logical-Sensoric Extravert
+ Ethical-Intuitive Introvert 
- 2nd Dyad: Logical-Intuitive Extravert
+ Ethical-Sensoric Introvert 
The fundamental characteristic that the Logical-Sensoric Extravert [LSE] has and values in themselves is their logic – the ability to act in a reasonable and logical fashion. This is the one characteristic that they are completely satisfied with for themselves and trust completely. Whether or not they are intelligent is not a significant issue for them, and if those around the LSE doubt their logic, it won’t embarrass them. Because of their well-developed Extraverted Sensorics, they are exceptionally attentive to the aesthetics of their surrounding environment – a hedonist. Interestingly, the main focus of their attention is not the intelligence of others, which they view as a constant, unchanging part of someone that they also don’t care about for themselves, but rather two things: their ability to act rationally and their appearance. How intelligent their partner is is not important either: their elegance and physical form matter more, as this only depends on the goodwill of the individual. Being overweight is unsightly and a threat to their public image. In general, this is one of the most indecent phenomena for the LSE. They can accurately distinguish beautiful things from ugly ones, and what’s ugly and uncomfortable do not exist in their rational mind. They dress well and look elegant, but they don’t dress up. They can wear the same clothes for a long time and constantly be surprised at how fresh they look, as if their clothes don’t wear down over time. And they won’t wear an uncomfortable pair of shoes – the LSE lives for themselves, not looking pretty to make the world prettier. But other people should dress beautifully, for the LSE’s own aesthetic satisfaction.
The LSE’s physical attraction to the opposite sex is completely conscious, and they aren’t ashamed of it. Take pity on those who do feel ashamed – sure – but they’re the ones who must conceal it, because the LSE won’t. Things are more difficult when it comes to feelings. The LSE feels a need for love and wants to both love and be loved, but they can’t write a love poem. They try to attract a partner with caresses, favors, and gifts, but not with beautiful words about their feelings. These torment them and seem difficult and meaningless. The LSE is passive in their feelings, and therefore, this is easily their vulnerable side. They cannot quickly fall in love, as they are afraid to be deceived, afraid of mistaking their desires for reality. If their love contradicts logic, it gets discarded. This is one of the types we consider masculine.
Individuals with developed sensorics have underdeveloped intuition, so the LSE tries very hard to avoid accidents: they want complete clarity and certainty. They can’t love if they think their feelings are unreasonable. Nor can they love a person who they doubt, trust, or have problems with. The LSE can’t even love individuals who are too independent and don’t need constant help and guardianship. Likewise, the LSE cannot love those who cannot gently care for themselves. They need a partner with deep, introverted feelings who, on the surface, has balanced emotions that are almost unnoticeable. That is, an LSE needs a partner whose inner world is easily able to measure the feelings of those around them through their own. For the logical extravert, a positive and very tactful emotional assessment of all their actions, concerns, and efforts is extremely important. Life is clear, easy, and understandable when the LSE does not spoil their partner’s mood – when they make them happy.
The prince or princess of the LSE’s dreams does not take the initiative themselves and is waiting to be noticed (But ethical types usually take the initiative in meeting new people). But when the LSE pays attention to them, they remain very tactful, not displaying any negative attitudes – even as a joke. Such jokes are not understood in this dyad and are perceived as a negative emotional assessment of an individual’s personality and are vanquished. Smugness is never attractive.
Since the has a developed and even picky taste (behavior from the creative function is pickier than the leading one), the LSE tends to dictate their concept of beauty to their partner. They are always confident in their knowledge about what is beautiful and not, and when things fit or don’t. And it doesn’t matter so much whether other people like it or if the public views it as trendy or not. It is much more difficult for the LSE to live near an individual with their own taste compared to someone who needs them to solve all of their aesthetic problems. Someone who would yield to their will there and follow their instructions.
The most appropriate type of feelings comes from the Ethical-Intuitive Introvert [EII] . This is the bearer of quiet inner sea of feelings that are unnoticeable to outsiders. The world of their feelings is so subtle and rich, as well as self-confident and self-sufficient that they don’t need verbal proof of love. The EII, without words, can see who loves whom and how much, and who needs whom and how much. A valuable property of this type is their ability to adapt to the emotions of another individual: to empathize with them, relieve their emotional tension, and calm them down. In their hearts, the EII is constantly in love with someone, deep down worshipping them inside, and yet, they often give the impression of being cold, withdrawn, or even insensitive. Their love, like the love of every intuitive type, is platonic and ethereal.
Just as the LSE needs someone to love them, for they otherwise do not know how to love, so too does the EII need to feel someone’s physical attraction towards them. They themselves do not dare to feel physical desire: they are dissatisfied with theirs, trying to stifle it, and do not yield to its influence. Courage here comes slowly, built together with faith in their loved one and confidence that the EII’s physical attraction will not seem ridiculous and will not humiliate them in the eyes of the other.
The EII seeks pleasurable emotions. These are provided by the rationality, logic, activity, protectiveness, and demanding nature of their partner. They don’t need more proof or talk about love. It is necessary, however, for their partner’s behavior to deliver these emotions: they can’t be late for dates, should fulfill their promises, and should be polite and caring. Longing, which never disappoints an individual and allows them to dream as much as they’d like, is one of the greatest pleasures for this type of IM.
Such an individual wants to live according to the tastes and desires of their other, not so much because they don’t have desires of their own, but because they desire complete harmony in the relationship: the complete fusion of wills. Therefore, on the one hand, they are inclined to completely submit to the other. But on the other, they have an equally ardent desire to have the taste of both partners perfectly match. An individual of this type wants to know what their partner likes and wants to adapt to it. The problem for an individual who isn’t an LSE is that they cannot adapt to them because they don’t fulfill the EII’s basic requirement: to always and everywhere have an opinion. This is trouble for an individual who, although very intelligent, tends to have opinions in the form of reflective musings rather than short, categorical formulas. Next to one of those individuals, an EII would feel constantly dissatisfied and unhappy.
One could say that the EII lacks character and is far too compliant, and that every intelligent person should have their own opinions and tastes. But when two individuals with their own “tastes” are married (two individuals without their own is also bad), for example, an LSE and an ESI, what more often than not happens is that instead of these tastes existing independently, they become a clash between two egos.
The Logical-Intuitive Extravert’s [LIE] strength is also in their logic. Due to their well-developed abstract thinking, they are inattentive to the appearance of their partner, paying little attention to it. Often, even to the point where someone who is too attractive distracts them. The LIE doesn’t need a partner who they find to be the most beautiful. Rather, they want to be the most beautiful individual to their partner. After all, because of their lack of attention to their surroundings, the LIE is unaware of how others see them, and are always a little insecure about their appearance and their perceived ugliness. For intuitive types of IM, it is important for their physical selves to be recognized. That is why they need a partner with well-developed aesthetic sensorics, whose taste can be trusted. They need to feel as if their partner likes them in spite of the fact that they are so picky of others and find them to be ugly. That their partner likes them not because the partner doesn’t care about what they look like, but exactly because of what they look like.
The ethical feelings and emotions of the are underdeveloped, just like all logical individuals. The only individuals who can love forever are those whose conscious feelings are enough for two and whose conscious sense of physical attraction is also enough for two. In everyday life, the LIE is absent-minded, trusts their partner’s tastes completely, and allows their partner to command them.
The Ethical-Sensoric Introvert [ESI] is best suited as a partner. This too, is a creator of deep ethical feelings and love. But because they have developed sensorics, they have a very independent personality and monopolize both aspects of eroticism. The ESI does not show their emotions, so they seem cold. And because of their sharp, penetrating gaze, which allows them to perfectly understand the world around them, they may even seem evil. The ESI does not even look at the individuals they talk to as if to avoid incinerating them with their penetrating and distrustful gaze.
The Creative element is more creative than the Leading one. Therefore, the way it manifests seem more pleasing and valuable to the individual themselves. Therefore, the ESI is very demanding, categorical, and often even unpleasant when it comes to aesthetics. Everyone likes order. Some individuals need it more, some less, but things are easier for everyone when there’s order. Individuals with a sensoric element as their creative function often have a hypertrophic sense of noticing deviations from the accepted orders. Perhaps that is why their gaze seems unpleasant, prickly, and even malicious to many people. Such individuals idolize household routines (especially if they lack a dual in the environment) regardless of how much time or energy they expend for them. Having their own view of art, clothing, and interior design, things that can give them pleasant feelings, are important to them. Only individuals who do not have their own “aesthetic sensoric program” can be at ease with them. Only intuitive types can calmly adapt to and even be satisfied when another individual provides them with a program that not only facilitates and simplifies, but also enriches their lives.
The ESI does not think about the future, living only for today and disliking waiting. “Don’t put off what you could do today for tomorrow.” What an ESI can do today is something they want to do now. This type is unyielding and stubborn, which is why it is so successful for them to have a relationship with an LIE, who lives not for the present, but for what was and will be, not paying attention to today. They also show their love not through words, but with actions, except, unlike the LSE, is not inclined to invent these actions themselves and gladly submit to the will of their partner for everyday matters. They can drop one thing and start another at any time, as long as their partner wants them to.
The student Alva, an ESI, describes the guy of her dreams:
He is fashionable but must be neat and undoubtedly slim. Very polite, soft-spoken, and considerate of myself and others. Not envious nor a liar. Not egotistic. He has his own opinion on everything. He’ll go to the movie theater, cinema, art exhibitions, and concerts with me. He loves long walks, traveling, and hiking. He talks a lot and tells everything that comes to his mind. And at my home, he’s an assistant.
In this description, we can see the exact image of an LIE. An LIE, more so than anybody else, likes to talk about and discuss what they have read and heard. Only an LIE could fulfill the other wishes of Alva as well.
b) Ethical Extraverts and Logical Introverts
- 1st Dyad: Ethical-Sensoric Extravert
+ Logical-Intuitive Introvert 
- 2nd Dyad: Ethical-Intuitive Extravert + Logical-Sensoric Introvert
The emotions of ethical extraverts are strong, colorful, impressive, expressive, and often powerful. They are not shy with their emotions and do not try to hide them. The depth and variety of their experiences are the most valuable aspects of themselves and the way in which they appreciate others. They try to improve the way they express their emotions, hence their strong affinity toward poetry and music. Ethical extraverts easily talk about not only the emotions that a loved one evokes, but also any others: fear, hatred, etc. Or about what surprises, delights, outrages, or brings out their impatience. Extraverted ethicals consciously manage, direct, and control their moods. These are things they create themselves and are not something that happens to them outside of their conscious will. Emotions are often the main content of life, being the essence of it yet also an embellishment rather than a compliment, as it is for individuals with logical types of IM. They are usually pleasant conversationalists and attentive listeners, who are able to understand, admire, approve, and sympathize with the situation of another. They therefore encourage others to be frank to help them understand their emotions. Since they are able to approve others, they can infect others with their enthusiasm and lift their spirits, inspiring them into action. The emotions of these individuals are so strongly controlled by the conscious and they are so confident in their legitimacy that they are not embarrassed nor constrained about the emotions that their love interest inspires in them. The only thing that is strange and incomprehensible to them are individuals who do not admire anyone and bring nobody delight or excitement. People often think that self-confident individuals with a high sense of self-esteem do not hide their emotions. This certainly does have something to do with their sense of self-respect, but the people who respect their emotions do not always trust the other sides of their personality, such as their mind, will, or abilities. The only thing that matters here is the sense of legitimacy’s of the individual’s emotions. And the facts are that even an ethical extravert who is not very self-confident is not ashamed of these emotions.
A well-mannered ethical extravert sees the need to hide some negative feelings such as indignation and disgust. But why not show admiration and increase another individual’s self-satisfaction?
The ethical introvert, whom we discussed earlier, tries to understand the other and receive pleasant emotions. The ethical extravert is not so much looking to get these for themselves as much as trying to give them to others. Giving joy to others makes the ethical extravert happy themselves. The meaning of life is to provide others with positive emotions: encourage their activity, give courage, inspire, and if necessary, stop them and redirect them in another direction. (This is why an ethical extravert and introvert do not understand each other, and suspect each other to be egotistic and liars)
The Ethical-Sensoric Extravert [ESE] has well-developed sensorics, which is why they also notice their partner’s physical qualities in addition to their spiritual ones. The ESE needs their partner’s physical qualities in addition to the spiritual ones. They don’t just need their partner’s psychological and intellectual makeup – they also need their partner to be able to evoke interest in them with their appearance, elegance, and the way they physically carry themselves. They have a refined aesthetic taste. They do not tolerate messiness and uncleanliness, nor do they want to adapt to the tastes of others. The logical introvert of the ESE’s interest seems closed, mysterious, and hardly understandable to others, which makes them very attractive. The bright emotionality of the ethical extravert and their ability to rejoice in all that is good and beautiful uplift the logical introvert’s life tone. The logical introvert is not emotionless, but they are always unsure about whether their emotions are appropriate. The ethical extravert is precisely the kind of individual who can skillfully express what they have accumulated in their soul. That’s why the logical introvert appreciates this.
The Logical-Intuitive Introvert [LII] is not selfish. Even if they don’t always know how to consider other people’s interests, they don’t always know how to consider their own. They want to feel like a good human more than anyone else. But that’s precisely what they lack. Therefore, the LII needs a partner who can protect their interests and criticize them for their lack of selfishness and inability to take care of themselves. A partner who does not encourage the LII into activity, doesn’t require it, doesn’t care about their interests, and doesn’t force the LII to take care of themselves does not truly love them. It is impossible not to care for them, as it is for all other intuitive types. Without care, they impose too high of demands on themselves and exhaust themselves physically. What the LII finds as proof of love and the value of their personality is the protection of their interests, good name, and criticism when they exhaust themselves physically. The LII finds it hard to live without this. Everything else matters little to them.
The LII’s strongest side is in their logical thinking. The Extraverted Intuition that encourages social activity is in the second, Creative position, but requires social recognition. Therefore, for the LII to be satisfied with their activities, they need their partner’s approval. Without it, they feel lost. Therefore, to function as a person, they require their partner’s intelligence, sensitivity, and ability to approve. From time to time, they even tend to test their partner’s emotions with little-understood antics. If their partner reacts appropriately, it means that they are in touch and that everything is in order. It’s necessary for the LII’s actions to be condemned to guide them in matters of public opinion. In addition, as long as the partner is interested in the LII’s activity, then they are also interested in their personality. That’s why they need to ensure that the LII’s partner dislikes their bad actions. So that they notice, care, and pay attention.
They have a complicated relationship with their sexual partner. The LII can neither change their love interests nor increase the amount of love they feel of their own free will. One could say the LII loves someone who is sure that they love themselves and sure that they know when they are loved.
The basis of this pair’s union comes from extraverted emotions, in which the more emotionally active ethical extravert inspires the much more passive and less courageous logical introvert with confidence in themselves and their activity, providing support, and activating them. The influence of one individual on the other resembles a miracle, whose significance depends on the intelligence level of both.
The Ethical Intuitive Extravert’s [EIE] emotions are also expressed well and are clearly visible to everyone, but they are somewhat abstract. They can talk about their emotions and experiences, but their sensations remain platonic, nor do they dare to show desire even to their favorite people. Poor sex education is part of the reason for this, but for the EIE, sex education only further complicates their lives. They are benevolent to everyone who shows them good feelings, but it takes a lot of time and attention from the partner to fuse these feelings with desire. The EIE’s attraction, as it is with all intuitive types, has a sort of “absentee” character: meaning they only fully consciously desire things when they’re gone. When their love interest is right in front of them, their attraction seems ghostly and fantastical. If due to mental incompatibility, their partner does not understand them enough, the EIE will avoid sexual intimacy even in marriage. They do not express their feelings to their partner with concrete care, but only dramatic stories and warnings about the dangers that are to come.
The EIE’s emotions are also expressed well and are clearly visible to everyone, but they are somewhat abstract. They can talk about their emotions and experiences, but their sensations remain platonic, nor do they dare to show desire even to their favorite people. Poor sex education is part of the reason for this, but for the EIE, sex education only further complicates their lives. They are benevolent to everyone who shows them good feelings, but it takes a lot of time and attention from the partner to fuse these feelings with desire. The EIE’s attraction, as it is with all intuitive types, has a sort of “absentee” character: meaning they only fully consciously desire things when they’re gone. When their love interest is right in front of them, their attraction seems ghostly and fantastical. If due to mental incompatibility, their partner does not understand them enough, the EIE will avoid sexual intimacy even in marriage. They do not express their feelings to their partner with concrete care, but only dramatic stories and warnings about the dangers that are to come.
It is interesting that the EIE has a peculiar arrogance in the way they carry themselves. From the outside, it seems like for some reason, the EIE is trying to be important or pretending to be someone. Their “arrogance” is very attractive to an Logical-Sensoric Introvert [LSI] who is inclined to practical activity and withdrawn in their relationships with others. It gives them a strange sense of confidence and security. The LSI is grateful for the EIE’s firework show of emotions, which refreshes and revitalizes the feelings that have been driven underground. And also due to the fact that the EIE readily adapts to the LSI’s practical-aesthetic demands.
The LSI is an aesthete. They have a sharp eye for beauty, desire to see it around them, and want to evaluate and enjoy it. They are not an enjoyer of the gourmet, however, unlike an LSE, for example. They don’t care much about what they eat and drink. But the LSI wants to surprise the world with their elegance and especially the elegance of their partner (or alternatively, through beautiful objects).
The LSI does not conceal their physical attraction, is not shy about it, and often creates the impression that they are deliberately demonstrative about it. Their firm, piercing gaze does not let a single individual of the opposite sex go unnoticed and unappreciated, which may be unpleasant to many. The LSI’s gaze is not as much of a concern to the EIE, as it reassures them that the LSI indeed values and desires them. The LSI offers their hand in marriage when they are fully confident in their physical attraction as well as the feelings that are difficult for them to define. They judge the feelings of others by the way they externally manifest their emotions. Therefore, it is relatively easy for the LSI to mistake their desire to be loved for the feelings of their partner. They sense this and therefore become distrustful. In this regard, the emphasized arrogance of the EIE is exactly what’s needed: it is unlikely they will approach each other until they realize the feelings connecting them are real.
The LII is even more dependent on their partner’s love than the LSI. Not only are they unaware of feelings, but also their partner’s physical attraction. Therefore, the LII is even more cautious and afraid of seeming ridiculous. Men of this type can be misogynistic, and women may especially show contempt towards sex if their views were fixed in their childhood. There is an element of demonstrativeness in their misogyny, which is the hidden search for permanent, unchanging human relationships. It’s not so much the statement that “All women are worthless”, but the question of “Can she love me forever?”
c) Sensoric Extraverts and Intuitive Introverts
- 1st Dyad: Sensoric-Logical Extravert + Intuitive-Ethical Introvert
- 2nd Dyad: Sensoric-Ethical Extravert + Intuitive-Logical Introvert
The Sensoric-Logical Extravert [SLE], like all extraverts, does not like initiative from others. Partners who show it are uninteresting, annoying, boring, and generally not their kind of thing. This makes the SLE feel bad, but they sometimes try not to show it and act politely (particularly among women of this type). A person of this type has no doubt that they have the right to the physical side of love, as long as the SLE themselves are looking for it and this isn’t imposed on them. Physical attraction and the desire to physically identify* with someone are understandable and ordinary phenomena. It is an indisputable part of the SLE’s nature. The SLE’s weakness is in their feelings. Based on their own judgments, they are confident and don’t doubt that people can be physically attracted to them, but they are hardly sure if they also feel loved. Physical attraction is a normal way to self-actualize. But love and mental identification with another individual is a luxury not available to everyone. That is why the SLE cannot talk about their feelings until they are sure their partner values them more than the SLE does. And if they speak up about it, the SLE feels as if they have betrayed themselves. They don’t fear love because they fear mental identification with their partner, but because it is an illegal desire and an undeserved luxury. The SLE isn’t just afraid of love, but also of other feelings. The SLE and their loved ones know that they don’t know feelings such as fear, hatred, etc. They get neither surprised nor envious.
*Translator’s note: This is identification in the Freudian, psychological sense: “Identification is a psychological process whereby the individual assimilates an aspect, property, or attribute of the other and is transformed wholly or partially by the model that other provides.”
The SLE can only be emotionally honest with an Intuitive-Ethical Introvert [IEI], who, on the one hand, is quite emotional, and understands the feelings of their partner well, but on the other hand, gives the impression of an individual who is helpless and lost in life. Only when an SLE is confronted with such an individual are they sure that their feelings will never be laughed at. Even if they are rejected, it will seem so helpless and implausible that it won’t offend them. In addition, the SLE is impressed by the sexual restraint of their partner which comes as a prerequisite for serious feelings and commitment.
People often say that men are looking for women’s weakness because only the weak are not afraid of showing their weakness. This is wrong. As far as different types of IM are concerned, no individual is weaker than others. The strength of the SLE is in their energy, ability to reach logical conclusions, and rejection of their feelings. Their weakness is in the desire to avoid showing their feelings. The strength of the IEI is their ability to accommodate others and manipulate their emotions. Only an SLE can be attracted to a loving partner by their powerlessness since they view feelings and emotions that are not hidden as a weakness. For their partner, however, the SLE is no less helpless. After all, when choosing between an SLE and an SEE, the IEI only chooses the former because of the SLE’s “helplessness” – i.e. their lack of courage in love.
Not only does the Sensoric-Ethical Extravert [SEE] not conceal their feelings, but they are, on the contrary, proud of them. They express their admiration with relative ease if it meets their internal mood. Both through their words and in their eyes. The SEE is always up for wholehearted love and both physical and mental identification if they need it. They know what they want out of their love interest very well, and are not inclined to adapt but to dictate.
Like all sensoric types, the SEE pays a lot of attention to the environment’s aesthetics, cleanliness, and order. They usually have naturally good taste and know how to dress well, demanding the same from others. They are attentive to the physical details of their partner. They are proactive in their activities but lack a sense of proportion in measuring how much they have done. The SEE is constantly unsure if they have done all they could.
The life of an SEE is complicated when their loved ones demand them to think about their actions and behave intelligently (Men typically get into this situation, as they are less interested in female behavior). They don’t tolerate this, as such a requirement makes them mad and makes them stop considering logic. They act intelligently and logically as long as others don’t demand it of them, as long as they are “respected” and “reckoned with”. You cannot argue with an SEE’s logic. You can only influence them by setting goals in opposition to theirs that are more admirable and difficult to achieve.
The SEE’s initiative and industriousness are so great that no criticism, even the constant nagging of the Intuitive-Logical Introvert [ILI], can spoil their mood. On the contrary, criticism calms them down and shows the SEE that they have done enough and are doing enough and that their activity is being noticed. These people are not self-conscious about their actions because they overestimate them, but because they underestimate them. Others suspect the SEE wants to be the center of attention. But they only feel like they are bringing the “chaos” that surrounds them into “order”.
The SEE’s initiative and demanding nature often lead them to become disappointed in their love interests. They turn out to be “wrong” and don’t understand the impulses of their soul enough. The essence is that the SEE needs a person whom they can adapt to without adapting. That’s who they dream of. Here’s how the student Ruta describes the knight of her dreams:
He must be handsome and moody (reminiscent of the main character from Herman Hesse’s novel Steppenwolf). His eyes must be big and gloomy. He doesn’t say much let alone dare to utter compliments. He therefore gives the impression of the unattainable. Internally, he is tormented by dozens of problems, which, in my opinion, are not worth paying attention to. I am attracted to his sadness and seriousness, so I try to cheer him up and lift his spirits to make him happy. Therefore, if there is such a guy at a party, I do not get bored – I liven up, become exaggeratedly cheerful, and try to lift his spirits, to force him to, if not laugh, at least smile.
This is a figurative description of an ILI, who stays constant in their feelings, and is not inclined to adventure, rather wanting complete dependence on a demanding lover. The ILI does not give attention to their partner for free. As they wait long for a reason to do so, they look unattainable and serious, and therefore alluring to the energetic, persistent, and restless SEE.
An interesting property of the ILI is their compliance. They like strong individuals who know their way well and demand concessions, individuals who relieve the ILI from the need to come up with goals, and adopt the methods of action that the ILI has invented. But the ILI only gives in when they believe that it is smarter to do so. In other words, they willingly act only when they can say, with a clear conscience that they are forced to act, that they have no other options, and that there is no way out. Individuals of this type are even more passive in their eroticism than other kind of activity. The initiative is completely in the hands of their partner. They “concede” when it is “impossible” to do otherwise. Such as when it is unwise to do otherwise, when it is reasonable to do so based on the circumstances, and understanding that marriage is a right.
The intuitive introvert is prone to pessimistic philosophizing. They are often called misanthropes. At times they give the impression that they only see darkness and that they themselves are evil and bad creatures. That is not the case. They just spend their whole lives as if they were afraid that they might miss something. If they had not warned themselves in advance about some looming danger (they are less interested in good luck), they would probably feel superfluous.
When people do things with enthusiasm, they more often than not forget their failures. It is only when one sees a good mood that introverted intuition begins to remind the ILI that there is nothing to be happy about, that happiness is available to any fool and that it is still unknown what will come of it – one’s mood spoils and the passion dies down. But the ILI is the ultimate comforter when others are unlucky, such as when everything seems to be slipping out of control and fate seems hostile. The point is that this type is afraid of all extraverted emotions, and the ILI is irritated by both joyful moods, which seem to them like a smokescreen that prevent them from seeing the essence of the matter, as well as any sort of tragic despair. These emotions extinguish the ILI. The ILI cannot act under the dictatorship of emotion, hence the refusal to show sensitivity and the tendency to look down upon those who allow themselves to do so, viewing them as egocentric children, who, at least occasionally, need to be brought back to reality. This is precisely what the SEE needs. It is excellent when a loving indivdiual can think ahead of time of fate’s pending shenanigans, can warn against any strike, any surprise, and, if disaster comes, can show the relativity of evil with time.
Besides, it must be said that the ILI’s scathing remarks do not spoil the mood of people who are satisfied with the quality of their work. And all sensing types are satisfied with the quality. The words “It couldn’t have been any other way” and “You’re not a miracle worker”* which would be condemning to an individual with extraverted intuition, only reassure the very energetic SEE. This reassures them that it is not their fault if they can’t do more. The same thing is morally reassuring to one person can seem like a rebuke to another.
*Translator’s note: «выше носа не прыгнешь» lit. “You can’t jump above your nose”, roughly translates to the idea that one cannot do something that is beyond human limitations.
The ILI builds a kind of working model out of the elements of the other person’s behavior, their actions. This is why it is not possible to surprise the ILI, and it leads to them not being happy with those whose behavior lacks the consistency they understand, making it impossible to build this kind of behavioristic model.
d) Intuitive Extraverts and Sensoric Introverts
- 1st Dyad: Intuitive-Logical Extravert + Sensoric-Ethical Introvert
- 2nd Dyad: Intuitive-Ethical Extravert + Sensoric-Logical Introvert
Like all other extraverts, the ILE doesn’t like it when others show more interest in them than the ILE gives through their initiative. The ILE chooses their friends themselves. They don’t like people who are compliant, who seem uncertain to them, or people who take advantage of the compliance of others. However, as a rule, the ILE tends to yield over making advances. They are exceptionally bad tacticians. Not only are they unable to establish the appropriate distances they need with people, but they also have no concept of what they should be. Nor does the ILE understand how to get angry, stubborn, and defend their interests. Therefore, the ILE tries to anger individuals who use these emotions for their own selfish motivations instead of for novel, worthwhile, complex, and interesting business, which is the ILE’s passion. For this reason, the ILE is often famous for their bad temperament.
The ILE does not like to give out concessions or favors. But the ILE does not consider it a “concession” when they act for a cause, even in the service of others. Helping a cause is different from helping because you’re a doormat.* Feelings are taboo to the ILE and must be avoided. There should be no doubt that every action should be the result of objective, logical thinking, and not subjective, ethical thinking.
* Translator’s note: Augusta wrote that «За других» lit. “for others” is not the same as acting «для других» lit. “for others” is not the same, which translates to the same thing in English, so this was reworded to better capture the idea.
The ILE sees the objective capabilities of their partners (but not their feelings). They are exceptionally empathetic when carelessness can diminish the other person’s vitality. The ILE likes sensoric introverts, who are both stubborn and aware of what they want, while cheerful, warm, and calm. The ILE is a person of their word, staying true to their promises, even if it turns out to be unprofitable. They are passionate about managing the conditions for the vital activity of others. The ILE supports the activity of all people, a support which is guided by a peculiar sense of objective duty, rather than emotions. Appealing to a sense of duty (as well as any other feeling) knocks you out of balance, makes you puff out your chest, and rebel. Relations with the ILE deteriorate immediately after even a hint of obligation to fulfill a duty, although before then the ILE could act in a way that is much more than is consistent with common sense and conventional practicality.
The ILE never reproaches anyone. To rebuke is to admit their feelings. That is beyond them. It seems to the ILE that people have no right to reproach directly. They are afraid of reproach as they are of any sign of aggression, which, when confronted, makes them furious. They already use enough energy to suppress their feelings. To a challenge, i.e. to any rebuke, they most often answer: “If that’s the case, then I’m not needed here.” and leave, slamming the door. But the ILE is afraid of these uncontrolled states and tries to avoid them. One of the reasons for the peculiar desire to overdo their activities is the desire to avoid the occasional hint of debt, and thereby the loss of control over their relationships with people.
The ILE is restrained in their erotic feelings. This is complicated by the ILE’s extraversion, which does not allow for yielding to the will and initiative of the other. Bottled-up feelings die hard. The ILE has long-lasting doubts, comparisons, and overthinking. It sometimes takes a year or two just to say “I love you” to themselves without hesitation. It is even more difficult to show love to another person. That is why, if possible, these people try to get rid of their feelings, in order not to seem ridiculous, weak, dependent, and insignificant in the eyes of the other person. The does not understand their partner’s feelings and emotional attitudes at all. Suppose, after the ILE explains to themselves that their feelings are a product of their own imagination, then lots of proof of their partner’s love pops out in the ILE’s memory. But as soon as the ILE is happy about them and decides that it is foolish to fight love, an equal amount of memories that prove their partner doesn’t love them floods out. Love is an uncontrollable storm, swirling in the mind. A delirium in which nothing else can be done and nothing else can be thought of. (This is one of the most dangerous variants of platonic love.) The only dares to talk about their feelings when they realize that they have developed into a chronic illness that needs to be treated. Interestingly, they cannot get rid of them until they are sure (and only until they aren’t) of their feelings in return. Spiritual equilibrium is restored as soon as the ambiguity disappears, that is when their love interest definitively accepts or rejects their love. The ILE never competes over their love interest. If there is a person who seems more worthy of their crush’s attention, they give in without a pang of regret, because they try to subordinate their lives to logic. But if their love interest returns after some time, the ILE feels nothing but gratitude for them.
In everyday life, all intuitive extraverts are scattered, inattentive, and have difficulty getting along with the surrounding world of things. If they live alone, they are surrounded by chaos, which makes them feel helpless. They know this is one of their weaknesses, as well as the fact that they cannot be like others in regard, so they are tired when others pay attention to this.
Only the friendly, constantly well-meaning, and optimistic Sensoric-Ethical Introvert [SEI] (such as movie actor Yevgeny Leonov, Alexandre Dumas the father) is fully suitable as a partner.
The ILE would never say “I love you” or “Be mine.” They would gladly deny their feelings as a weakness that no one else needs, but they see all too well that this ruins them. So their inner mood, which they tend to be silent about, can best be described as “you will ruin me.” When they feel that they are on the brink of the abyss and that their personality is in danger of total disaster, they say “I need you” and, in order to – God forbid – not deceive the other about anything, opens their eyes to all of their shortcomings, so that they would not be the cat in the bag.* “I need you” only sounds convincing to the ears of the SEI, who has enough of their own emotions, to whom these words are the best possible assessment of their personality. To someone who lacks emotion, these words would sound dry, unconvincing, and even offensive.
*Translator’s note: This is an idiom (which means the same thing) in both Russian and English, which refers to a trick where people would sell pigs and turn out to be a cat, thereby lying about the bag’s true nature and contents. Related to the idiom “getting the cat out of the bag”, which means to uncover undesirable secrets that reveal one’s true nature (like the cat)
The sensoric introvert is a hedonist more than anyone else, and therefore feels the reality of their physical existence exceptionally well. Since everyone tends to judge others through their own way of thinking, they think that this is how others feel as well. Therefore, they are very considerate of other people’s comfort and are attentive and caring when they show sympathy. The least that this type does is not burden others with themselves. They can neither ask nor demand services, and they try to meet their needs by themselves. What the sensoric introvert much-neededly gives to the intuitive extravert is a special sensitivity, subtlety, and attention toward the physical self of the other. By guarding the world of one’s senses, one guards others as well. The SEI is a good tactician. In everyday life, they are able to defend their sovereignty, i.e. the distance they need from people, while not spoiling their relationships, which is just not possible for the ILE. In addition, the sensoric introvert has their own dynamic rhythm of everyday life, which is exactly what the intuitive extrovert lacks and without which feels like a vine without a wall.
The SEI is very well-versed in the world of feelings and emotions. They are perceptive to the feelings of others, and easily discerns who loves and desire them and how much. This is the type of an artist who appreciates life in all its varieties. The SEI is a lover of beauty and harmony. Creates them. Anything they do is done with feeling and taste. They see all of their works as a creation of art, which must be admired by others and himself, even cooking. They are also an artist in love. If who they’re interested in is not attentive enough, the SEI knows how to remove them relatively easily, and replace them with someone else. These desires and needs are very well known and the SEI never shifts responsibility for them to their partner. This is exactly what the ILE needs, which by their own initiative, neither believes in feelings, nor is able to abandon them.
The Intuitive-Ethical Extravert [IEE] is not shy about their feelings and are confident in their desire and ability to score someone. But just like all intuitive types, they try to bypass the aspect of physical attraction. Their speeches about love and longing are fiery, and their glances and smiles are seductive. On the other hand, their caresses are uncertain, cautious, and more like engaging, seducing, and asking rather than giving and demanding. The IEE’s kisses are ethereal, like the touch of a butterfly. They cannot and do not know how to go further than this through their own initiative and become uncertain in their physical attraction in the presence of their partner, as IEE knows what their partner desires better than what they desire for themselves. So the IEE both fears becoming dependent on the other and fears appearing ignorant or rude with their affection.
The greatest pleasure for all intuitive extraverts, both logical and ethical, is to find a way out of situations that seem hopeless to others. They very often spend their lives on entirely useless problems. The IEE is especially capable of solving emotional problems. Thanks to the understanding of the spiritual structure of people, the IEE knows how to make people feel good, and can’t refrain from doing so. Therefore, they enjoy exceptional success among members of the opposite sex. That is why – especially given that they try to make everyone happy with their attention – that they often have the reputation of being very frivolous and are nicknamed the “Don Juan”. It is well-established that the so-called Don Juans love women, and enjoy great success with them, but at the same time are afraid of intimacy, and at the last moment are “disappointed” in their lovers. Some psychotherapists attributed this to their sexual coldness, others to the fact that in every woman they are trying to find their mother, others that they need only beat the other men because it was striking that the IEE pays more attention to women who have a husband or at least a boyfriend. But the point is, as you can see, that getting the attention of a married woman is more challenging and, therefore, more interesting.
So, the IEE is quite unstable in their feelings because of their restless disposition, which is dictated by extraversion and the ability to attract people to them. In European culture, their sexual restraint alongside fiery feelings is extremely appealing to women. They are close to and understand the emotional courage and initiative of a “Don Juan” while at the same time being “non-threatening”, which everyone anticipates in advance. Besides, in the conditions of two levels of spiritual cultures: the “higher” – male and the “lower” – female, a woman was exceptionally flattered by a man’s attention not to her body, but to her spiritual life.
For the IEE’s psyche, physical identification – giving up control of the situation and fully transforming into their partner – is a surrender of their position. As a result, they often run away from both physically and mentally identifying with another, but it is difficult for them to give up “dealing with difficult situations”. They need a partner who is stubborn and withdrawn, but also self-assured in their attraction and pragmatic logic. In other words, a Sensoric-Logical Introvert [SLI]. If the meets an SLI before it’s too late, while they can still give up their emotional power over everyone and sexual liberation from all, then the Don Juan’s sexual adventures will be over. Then everyone will say, “And who would think that the IEE would ever get serious?”
The SLI feels great in the bosom of nature as well as in everyday life. If they need something, they know what actions are needed to get it, without the advice of others. They have a certain consistency in their tendency to take care of their comforts. Their movements are calm, precise, and exceptionally economical. From the outside, it seems that their results disproportionately exceed the energy expended. It is as if some of their movements are hidden from the eye of the observer. They are characterized by their ability what they can from the environment, without demanding what is not there.
All sensoric introverts have the trait of not showing their real experiences on their faces and thus not providing the interlocutor information about their inner world.
The SLI is almost always cold and cryptic, while the SEI is equally warm, caring, and willing to smile.
If the ILE is afraid to show their feelings and admit them, then the SLI is afraid to show their emotions and avoids by all means acting in accordance with them.
In their dreams, the SLI conjures the image of their ideal partner, which is most similar to the IEE. Student Ele describes the knight of her dreams:
Handsome, elegant, but not flashy, and not paying attention to his appearance. His movements are sloppy, lacking precision, and even a little clumsy. They have big-spirited, astonished eyes. They have no conception of fear and are full of good well-wishes, urges, and determination. He could drop anything for a new lofty idea at any moment. I want to be his friend, helper, and lover.
Something like a fearless musketeer or a sea captain from a fairytale.
10. Afterword by the Author
This is the birth of a new science, Socionics, which is the science of the sixteen-typed nature of people and the patterns of the relations between these types. This work is devoted to a single relationship: complement [duality]. But since there are sixteen types of individuals, there are sixteen different forms in which the relationships can take. Some of them act on the psyche positively, such as the relationships of Identity, Activation, while others act negatively, such as Conflict and Supervision. This is all described in our other work, in Theory of Intertype Relationships (1982).
The main purpose of this paper is to show that in the manifestations of love, as with all other areas of human communication, there is no right and wrong or good and bad. There are only people with appropriate and inappropriate personality types, or types of information metabolism (IM). In addition, some individuals have a more balanced psyche. These are the individuals who have succeeded, grown up, and live and work among individuals with suitable types of IM. There are also individuals with less balanced psyches. These are the individuals who have not succeeded because their environment is made up of individuals with inappropriate types of IM, whose effects are destructive.
People always dream of living in good relationships with other people, dreaming to be understood, while wanting to understand others. They want to see benevolence around them and want to be benevolent themselves. Everyone dreams, but few succeed. Today, we know that it is impossible to dream of a truly harmonious, peaceful, and creative life for societies and individuals until people have understood their different types of nature and the patterns of communication hidden behind their types. A completely new stage in the development of society will be its reorganization, which will give each individual an opportunity for a sufficient number of contacts with individuals necessary for their psychosomatic health.
It is difficult to say when this dream will come true, but there is no other path.
Augusta Project 